Heads it is!

More often, than not, these days, I tend to think a lot about my present point in life. I retrospect and see the last 3 to 4 years to have changed me a lot, as a person. Having said that, it is also true that I have remained in the same position mostly, to a point where I find myself lagging behind all my friends, who all started their careers with me. Many have moved up the ladder; many moved out of the country; many even left this career for another which satiates their soul more. Makes me wonder, why am I still stuck in this rut (that's a bit extreme, but right now I am in an extreme mood).

I know I am not stupid, I won't be boasting if I say I am quite intelligent too and for the things I am passionate about and have conviction, I really come out well above par. The problem, I believe, with me is that I tend to be complacent too soon, which isn't really good a thing.

I digress, so what is this current point of my life? This is the point where most of my friends, with whom I can relate to, are getting married. And they are getting married the Indian way, letting the family find a girl for them. A very dear friend of mine, with whom I can totally relate to (in his own words, we are two people who don't meet or talk frequently like thick friends, but can easily start the conversation from where we left off - which would have been like after 3 4 months) is getting married, and he found a girl the Indian way :)

I don't believe in destiny when it comes to relationships - the belief that there is a girl/boy for everyone somewhere blah-shit. Hell, I don't even believe in Destiny. For me, Destiny is a blind guy with the Cosmic log chained to his hand (er... Sandman porn, My bad!).
The point here being I feel stuck in the deepest ruts I have ever found, in all ways, personally, professionally and every fucking-ly!
I know I'll snap out of it - every one does.

Me and my friends recently moved to a new place, since our earlier landlord was selling the one which were staying. It must have fetched him 1.5 to 2 Crores of rupees for that house. He works in the software industry too, a manager or someone senior - 11 to 12 years of experience. I am quite sure he doesn't come from a filthy rich family - his dad used to be an engineer, old timer. Upper middle class family - must have bought the land back when Bangalore real estate was cheaper. Now he is a Crore-pathi. He hasn't done anything radical or extremely risky, but the timing was good and he was rewarded by a sniff of nice luck and chance.

Conversely, a couple of my friends stay in a rented apartment, and they say their landlord owns 45 flats in their apartment complex itself. He seems to be a young guy - late twenties or early thirties, I have been told. He comes from a community well known for their exploits in the real estate business. His dad must have taken a big risk, a calculated risk nevertheless, and has been rewarded, well and fair enough.

So one either need be lucky or be ready to take risks, isn't it? And since I don't expect lady luck to be rapping on my doors any time soon, it has to be the other way round for me, I reckon. And I am in a rather feisty mood to do something stupid, lately. I am sure the view down from the cliff will be much better than the view from the gutter, at least.

Raju and Radha.

All the time, while I was busy growing up reading Balarama and all the similar comics, I was of the idea that Raju and Radha were siblings. The fact that they don't show them in a house together with their folks wasn't enough for me. They were indeed siblings, all right? Even their names rhyme. I know Raju and Radha would never grow up, but if the unspeakable happen and they do grow up, I am sure now that they won't be shown together when Raju family and Radha family come together for weekend get-togethers with their respective families, but Raju with a mustache and glasses, starting to office and Radha coming and giving him his handkerchief, or perhaps even a goodbye kiss.
Maybe I should write a story about them, all right?

Morpheus.

Started reading Sandman again - took up from where I left earlier. Morpheus, Master of Dreams. What a power now that would be - to control each and every dream of each and every living individual; manipulate him/her using his/her dreams! I wonder! I wonder all that could be; even that this could be a very long long dream. 

The Wrong Brother.

The initial idea was to jump off the window and start flapping the wings and maneuver away into the oblivion. But he felt that the trees were a bit tricky and calculations always ended uncertain. He did not want a speck of uncertainty anywhere. That's when he decided to use the tree itself as the solution. That fateful day he climbed up the tree and jumped off it wearing the wings and fell down and died flapping his wings on the ground. 
Mr.X, avid collector, art connoisseur and the da Vinci expert in the Town Council, died in a freak accident, falling of the balcony, his manager announced to the press. No one, including the press, was allowed inside the house. His relatives were unavailable for comment.  

Deception.

Senses are deceptive they say. What about thoughts? Aren't they deceptive too? If one can't trust one's own senses, what more can anyone say of thoughts? So if thoughts and senses are both prone to deception, how would anyone know which one is deceptive? Or if both are deceptive? Or now the even lesser chance that both are trustworthy?

I finished watching my first John Abraham movie. No, it's not of the handsome hunk who acts in the Bollywood movies, it's this late Malayalam director, who has way less muscles and way more beard. He has directed only 4 movies, all written by himself. The one I watched is 'Amma Ariyan'. 
The gist of the movie is the story of our protagonist Purushan, who on his way to meet his friend, before leaving to Delhi, chances upon the body of a person who had just recently committed suicide. He doesn't know who it is, but wanted to find who it is and tell his mother about his son's fate.
I have been hearing about John Abraham, for quite a while. His legend status, his mystique. The bearded nomad who came into the Malayalam movie scene, started the first independent cinema movement, directed just four movies and then passed on. His acts were blasphemy for the established directors and producers. Four movies - two national awards (one for best movie and one a special jury award) - one movie was enough to get me hooked. One down, three more to go.
John the saint, the legend, the 'Ottayan' of Malayalam movie, lives on.

Of Romance, Hemingway and Padmarajan.

Somehow the thought of romance came up today and I ended up defining romance, for me. And I think romance, for me is wanting; wanting more out of everything - out of life, out of time.

Letting go, wanting the next step in everything, to expect a turn in the road, and not knowing what lies ahead AND wanting to know it;

and going ahead to know it; its that feeling, its the same with love, sex, reading a book, going to a strange place - anything that can capture my mind.

Calling it a thrill would make it sound cheap. It's that feeling that one cannot put into words.

It's also that feeling of letting one thing go to get another; like sleeping the night to wake up fresh; leaving a city for another.

It's that continuous need to move, to evolve, to be infinite.

Thats romance for me - and inherently it's impossible to achieve; like finding a corner of a circle; like finding infinity.

If someone asks me to name one romantic book which I loved - I would say "For whom the bell tolls" by Hemingway. No, it doesn't have a happily ever after.

As for a romantic movie - that would be "Namukku Parkkan Munthirithoppukal" by Padmarajan. Now, that one has a happily ever after.