Think damp.

Rain makes you think. And I have been thinking, for thinking's sake. What is it that would make me happy? Like, really happy? That would be one for a list, of course; and the list changes with time. There has always been one thing which has featured prominently and almost perpetually in that list - travel. Recently, I read an article which threw an idea in to me - Think hard, what was it that I wanted to do when I was 12 or 13 years of age? How much of it is feasible/legal now? Maybe I should wrack my brain and find an answer to that question; maybe that would answer most of my other questions.

Of forks in the road and not finding them.

They say everything comes with a price; they say everything happens for a reason - that everything is relative. But, is it really so? The choices exist only in the minds of the confused. For the ones who truly know what they want, everything is absolute. There are no choices. There is no need for a choice. The fork in the road does not exist for them. For, when they pounce upon the road, they never see any forks; they move ahead through the one and only path that exists before them. A vagabond seldom needs a map; neither does he bother about the signboards.

I started reading this book 'Chasing the monsoon' by Alexander Frater. The author travels with and along the path of the monsoon, in the Indian sub-continent; sometimes ahead, sometimes with and sometimes behind it. To embark on such a journey one must not just love the rains, one must truly belong to the rains.

As long as I remain confused, I will never be able to find the path. I will have to look for signboards. I will have to read the maps. I will have to follow. I shall never tread the absolute. I shall never be complete.

A Man, must not do what he must do; rather a Man must do what he wants to do.

Crash and Burn

There was a tall and fit one. There was another tall and fat one. And then there was a lean mean and obscene one. It was friday and they were coming back home after the school. They were pedalling hard, their bicycles and talking about some exam which they have to come and write on Saturday.The exam was not a compulsory one, yet somehow most of the students are writing it.

There is this small downhill path, then a valley and then an uphill on their way back home. The three of them decide to race without pedalling, balancing their weight forward, in the downhill route. One would think that the tall and fat one would easily be the first, given his weight. But when you are racing without pedalling, in a downhill path, it's the position of the rider that is most important; and also late braking. The latter being very tricky, since the downhill path curves down a bit and the braking has to be perfectly timed or else; well, that's what comes next in the story.

So the lean, mean and obscene one was waiting for the right moment to brake and little did he know that the right moment has already past. It didn't take him much to know that though. Crash and burn is what reminded him swiftly of the mistake.

He fell down the hill, like the stupid Jack and his bike came tumbling behind, like the stupid Jill. What happened next was all hazy. All the lean, mean and obscene one could remember was that he went to the house next to the valley to wash his face. His bike was in need of some serious repair. The three of them started pushing their bikes back home.

The next memory he has is being almost near his home. Whatever pushing shoving talking swearing has all been lost to him. And he tells his friends that 'Hey, I think I have lost my memory temporarily.' To which his friends respond that - 'Dude, you are telling this for the umpteenth time and we hope you get back what you have temporarily lost.'

It's been almost twelve years and he hasn't got back what he had lost temporarily. He still tries to remember (and fails inevitably) what had happened or the scenes in between the crash site and his home.

P.S.:- His friends also say that he recited all their phone-numbers, his registration number for the next day's exam, his date of birth and all kind of stuff in his attempt to prove that he hasn't had a total amnesia. But he denies all of that, still.

Heads it is!

More often, than not, these days, I tend to think a lot about my present point in life. I retrospect and see the last 3 to 4 years to have changed me a lot, as a person. Having said that, it is also true that I have remained in the same position mostly, to a point where I find myself lagging behind all my friends, who all started their careers with me. Many have moved up the ladder; many moved out of the country; many even left this career for another which satiates their soul more. Makes me wonder, why am I still stuck in this rut (that's a bit extreme, but right now I am in an extreme mood).

I know I am not stupid, I won't be boasting if I say I am quite intelligent too and for the things I am passionate about and have conviction, I really come out well above par. The problem, I believe, with me is that I tend to be complacent too soon, which isn't really good a thing.

I digress, so what is this current point of my life? This is the point where most of my friends, with whom I can relate to, are getting married. And they are getting married the Indian way, letting the family find a girl for them. A very dear friend of mine, with whom I can totally relate to (in his own words, we are two people who don't meet or talk frequently like thick friends, but can easily start the conversation from where we left off - which would have been like after 3 4 months) is getting married, and he found a girl the Indian way :)

I don't believe in destiny when it comes to relationships - the belief that there is a girl/boy for everyone somewhere blah-shit. Hell, I don't even believe in Destiny. For me, Destiny is a blind guy with the Cosmic log chained to his hand (er... Sandman porn, My bad!).
The point here being I feel stuck in the deepest ruts I have ever found, in all ways, personally, professionally and every fucking-ly!
I know I'll snap out of it - every one does.

Me and my friends recently moved to a new place, since our earlier landlord was selling the one which were staying. It must have fetched him 1.5 to 2 Crores of rupees for that house. He works in the software industry too, a manager or someone senior - 11 to 12 years of experience. I am quite sure he doesn't come from a filthy rich family - his dad used to be an engineer, old timer. Upper middle class family - must have bought the land back when Bangalore real estate was cheaper. Now he is a Crore-pathi. He hasn't done anything radical or extremely risky, but the timing was good and he was rewarded by a sniff of nice luck and chance.

Conversely, a couple of my friends stay in a rented apartment, and they say their landlord owns 45 flats in their apartment complex itself. He seems to be a young guy - late twenties or early thirties, I have been told. He comes from a community well known for their exploits in the real estate business. His dad must have taken a big risk, a calculated risk nevertheless, and has been rewarded, well and fair enough.

So one either need be lucky or be ready to take risks, isn't it? And since I don't expect lady luck to be rapping on my doors any time soon, it has to be the other way round for me, I reckon. And I am in a rather feisty mood to do something stupid, lately. I am sure the view down from the cliff will be much better than the view from the gutter, at least.