O Mary go and call the cattles home!

Ever thought one wrong decision from your part can make your life so fucked up? Its not a rash decision taken at the spur of the moment or anything, I would say I took almost a month for this one. I am not impulsive most of the time. I do get impulsive ideas but in most of the cases I take a lot of time to decide and act upon them.

I kind of knew the decision from day one, but then I did took time to finalise it, to my credit.

But in the fucking end, it was a fucking pathetic decision.

If it looks like shit and smells like shit, chances are it is shit.

à la Barrichello :|

Remember that race where a part of Barrichello's car flew off and hit Massa square and which had sent him retiring in the hospital room for sometime? Any part of the vehicle ever fell off while you were riding/driving? Well, it happened to me; today. The metal thing that stays on the back of the bike, behind the seat fell off. It was loose for quite a long time, but I was lazy for a longer period of time. My laziness is much more powerful than a silly piece of metal that is hanging loose from the back of my bike. Some rattle can't frighten me off.

It did fall in a crowded area, but thankfully no one got hurt. Some one could have, this is a heavy piece sharp and a bike can hit it and fall over. It can get stuck in a car-tyre. Thankfully neither of it happened. I took it to the restaurant where I had my breakfast and kept it there, with the promise that I'll take this today noon and fix it. I'm still waiting.

Gulaal - Anurag Kashyap

Excellent portrayal of emotion, crude crassy but I was glued. Kay Kay Menon's Dukey Bana was good but the best of the lot was Rannvijay 'Ransa' Singh by Abhimanyu Singh. Ayesha Mohan was good too.

The movie is all about one man's intense love for a Rajputana state. Movie has lots of symbolisms to add to the lot. Also there are lots of intense scenes. The transformation of Dileep Singh cannot be seen as the thread of the movie, but it can be considered as the one central plot.

All the songs, especially 'Aarambh hain prachand', were excellent.

This movie was in my to-watch list for so long. Its one of those movies where you actually take the side of one of the characters (not necessarily the protagonist) and live the movie through him; in my case it was Ransa in this movie.

Go watch the movie, if you are reading this blog, I guess the movie is worth watching too. :)

Hey Ho! It ain't so bad!

Hmmm so we went to this place near Udaipur and saw this road-side place selling ingenious Bhang. Well for those who actually doesn't know what it is, its cannabis (Ganja-Weed-Pot-Pullu) seeds-leaves-flowers and O fuck knows what ground and then made into a sweet connotion called Bhang-ki-Thandai. Well it didn't seem so frigging great or magnificent. But this comment should have been made after 30 minutes of drinking the stuff. O Fuck was I high - Check; Was I paranoid - Check; Was I loosing out on reality - Oh yeah Fucking-Check; Well one trial and now I have lots of people pulling my leg now I am back in town. People give me fucking mineral water and told me to drink in small sips (lest I get knocked down). Wow! So be it. Well, did I enjoy it - Hell Yeah Check ! :)

P.S. : There's lot more to (and embarrassing too) this Bhang story. Well why should I say that to you all! :P

Who's nostalgic here?

Remember the smell of new books? Of new plastic covering on the Annual Diary? The green book you get every year at the beginning of the academic year? The whole tamasha of covering the books with brown coloured paper, of sticking those name stickers. Also those old books, which I used to get from the one year senior neighbour, which will be bound and used for all those subjects where the syllabus has not changed?

The school was all good, with new subjects and new stories. But the fun doesn't last that long. Once you get used to the stories you loose interest. You don't feel like reading them again and again.

One of these days I just fumbled over some new plastic cover and the smell of my old diary cover was all over me. The fun, the excitement, the tension of a new academic year.

Blah, fuck the nostalgia, its not worth it.

Ouroboros.

Big decisions, big people, big dreams and big money necessarily do not make up a big part of our life. Its actually the collection of all the small things, times-jokes-fun and stuff maketh the life better and what it is. I always thought and to a further extent still think, that my instincts will always send me in the right direction, that what I feel when I feel that way is always bound to happen. But, there is a first time for everything. Its not always given in a platter. Maybe you always win the 5 buck lottery, every single time just to loose out on the 500 million lottery. Life teaches you nothing the easy way. Its like a box of chocolates, you eat the good ones first, then the not so good ones and eventually you end up eating the ones you don't usually eat.

The more you wonder the more you know, the more you know the less you wonder about it. Then in the end, you stop. There is no vicious circle, the serpent eating its own tail is nothing but a bloody myth.

Analogy.

Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. So what if you saw this particular clock during one of those two times and assume that its a working clock? Particularly nasty, if you trust the clock to show you the right time sometime later, isn't it? Possible, but not probable. Well again I wonder isn't that happen most of the times, in a relationship? You actually meet a person in similar circumstances as one of those two times when the clock is showing the right time, only difference being that here we allow a lot more tolerance than we would rather for a clock. Funny how things are.

The Killers - Read My Mind.

On the corner of main street
Just tryin' to keep it in line
You say you wanna move on and
You say I'm falling behind

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
Breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The good old days, the honest man;
The restless heart, the Promised Land
A subtle kiss that no one sees;
A broken wrist and a big trapeze

Oh well I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go, can you read my mind?

It’s funny how you just break down
Waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin' my spine

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The teenage queen, the loaded gun;
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, a world unseen;
A city wall and a trampoline

Oh well I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go
Tell me what you find when you read my mind

Slippin’ in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said
I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine

Put your back on me
Put your back on me
Put your back on me

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun
When you read my mind

Will I, Won't I?

Its an utter waste of time isn't it, trying to figure out things which are not very radical and well o so unpredictable? But there are times you hope to cling to that superstition which will always be there in your mind no matter how much you blasphemise, criticise and try to be logical. Then there are things which you know that you should let go and but then you try again and again, give yet another chance. Then there are times where you actually fucking start to blabber, and that too on a blog. Well there are times like this. Blogging is like talking to an inexistant ever understanding friend, blogging is like talking to yourself. Its so fucking like masturbation, like my good old friend Vijay once suggested. You are the king here. No matter fucking what others may disagree, they-can't-do-a-shit-about-it you know. That's the whole point. So blogging is all about boosting your larger than life, I-Know-It-All ego. The only place you can throw your attitude around with no one to show you the door, show you the way.

Blah! Blah! Blah! Its not so fucking funny, never felt this weird for this long period of time. And its not so fucking funny. For someone with o so big head on the shoulders its tough to understand what the fuck is happening. Just because you can't figure it out with your o so fucking intelligent head on your o so fucking big head on the shoulders. Its an ego killer, that's a pain.

There are times and then there are times. But then there are more o so fucking times.

P.S. : Will I have to fucking put a fucking heading or fucking what was that thing saying there is expletive content? O so fucking hell to those.

The Holiday - Movie

The first best thing that you notice five minutes into the movie is how immediately likeable is the character played by Kate Winslet is. The character portrayed by her, of Iris Simpkins, is of a small town girl working in London, who recently finds out that the man whom she loves has got engaged to the other girl whom he was seeing. Well its complicating, for them at least. Extremely great dialogues and spectacular background score by Hans Zimmer. The dialogue delivery by Kate Winslet and Jude Law is also worth mentioning. The portrayal of the other two protagonists of the movie, by Jack Black and Cameron Diaz is also excellent.

All in all a worth watch.

:)

Life's little pleasures are usually the one's those we usually don't indulge in. You know what is sad about it? Its not that you don't have time to do the same, but you don't do them although you have the time to do the same.

Vinaya's Poem - II

The wound is deep, the ocean dried,

The pain won't leave, the unstable mind.

Shadows of misery, tend to grow,

from the glass angel, she turns cold.

On her head the roses bloom,

in her heart, there are none to.

The crisis miracle, beyond the lies, beyond the truth,

and the pain inside.

I look at the cracked reflection, lying across the room,

I look at the mirror - broken; I swoon.

The leaves turn brown, the roses cry

and as I stretch my wings, my feathers die.

Instinct.

I always used to tell anyone who bothered to listen about my so called belief in instinct. I even told that in one of my earlier HR interviews for a job. But at some point of time when you contemplate on the same, I have this not so faint feeling that its just my snobby attitude that makes me believe that I believe in my instincts. It might be because I recollect only those instances when my gut feelings were correct and not so much in situations where it all screwed up. And lately I think I have screwed up so much that I am not able to forget those situations :). Nonetheless its a positive thing I should admit. You know its always good to know the faulty parts of your machine, like knowing that the bike has got a not so responsive brake will always be a positive knowledge to the rider.

The Root Cause, The Moral of the story is : "It's always about me." Well it always has been. :)

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.

I read Steve Jobs' address at the Stanford graduation again today. I guess its the 19477th time now :). There is something about that address, that makes my stomach feel funny every single time I read it, every single time. There is something in those self made people that you wanna respect them, no matter how cocky or arrogant they are. I have always been a fan of this guys' ideologies. Once a reporter asked him why he always wanted all the stuff for a computer made by Apple itself, why can't you outsource something. Well our guy answers - If I find something in my product which I don't like or approve of, I wanna fire the guy who made it. Not your kind of boss, but still there is some zing in his ideas. 

He says in his address about, thinking about everyday as your last and then asking yourself would you be doing what you are doing now? And if your answer is NO for quite a few consecutive days, then its affirmative that you change what you are currently doing. Fair enough isn't it? 

Well now that leaves me with a tough question and an even tougher answer. What DO I like to do in my life? Well the other day I was having this conversation with one of my similar minded friends. I was telling her about some food I cooked and it did not come good. I felt bad, pretty bad. But then if I write some code and I get lots of bugs in it or something, I don't usually feel bad, I just feel plain frustrated. And when I cook something, which I don't usually do for some time now, I cook with lots of heart in it. And when it comes bad, I just feel VERY bad. And this doesn't mean I wanna be a cook or something, just that I'm passionate about it. 

Similarly photography, I would NEVER place me anywhere near the tag of a good photographer. Can't even think of more than one or two pictures I had taken and I really loved it and wanted to flaunt it. But I its just like cooking, in a way as in I'm passionate about it. I don't take much pictures. I am not that always carry my camera wherever I go kind of guy. I don't take pictures unless I really wanna take some. Otherwise it always comes out bad. Not that it comes out good otherwise, but still that's the way I think I am.

Staying hungry and foolish is not that easy, it requires lot more than just perseverance and luck. Instinct, Love and Courage to walk alone.

Vinaya's Poem - I

How can you hold someone close,

When your arms aren't open.

How can you want a heart,

When it's too late and broken.

How can you fix something,

With hollow bones.

How can you save anything,

Within a shattered home.

How can you keep afresh,

A withered leaf.

How can you hope for something,

Which you don't believe.

How can you run away,

When your feet are stuck.

How can you try to suicide,

And blame it on luck.

How can you lose something,

That you never found.

How can you break something,

That was never bound.

How can you hold onto,

What was never there.

How can you love anyone,

When you don't care.

How can you cry,

When there aren't any tears left.

How do you listen,

When you are deaf.

How do you see the light,

When you are blind.

How can you say you are alive,

When you are dead inside...

^Z

I know exactly what the life is missing, a Ctrl-Z option. With that everything would have been under control.

P.S.: Well maybe a Ctrl-Y option can also be added in the further versions.

P.P.S.: For the unawares, Ctrl-Z is Undo and Ctrl-Y is Redo.

Live and Not so Perfect.

I always prefer the live performance of songs than their studio edited album counterparts. Its always not so perfect as the original ones, but maybe that's why I prefer them. There are minute changes and improvisations which make the music o so better.

P.S.: In my envy list musicians are only bettered by Footballers and Cricketers.

Living to tell the tale #345297

Have you ever tried riding the bike, in the night with a dark visor on? Well then don't. Coz dust is not that injurious to your life as a hidden pothole in the freeway. 

P.S.: There are no freeways in B'lore as you might be wondering. But please allow me the luxury of calling a 3 kilometres long stretch of road with no intersections a freeway. :)

List of Films to watch.

1. Doctor Strange Love
2. Amores Perros
3. Paradise Lost
4. Casablanca
5. Coffee and Cigarettes
6. Hable Con Ella (Talk to her)
7. No man's Land
8. Y tu mama tambien (And Your Mother, too)
9. I'm not there

That's all for now.

Perspective !!!

Its one over used word when some one bitches to you about some one else and you wanna diplomatically disagree: "Different people, different perspectives", you say. But then come to think of it, isn't it what makes people what they are? Like a person with a bad perspective is a bad person so is a person with a good perspective a good one. So much one can say here that "The Good" and "The Bad" are always relative and never absolute. Still.

And again the perspective is irrevokably linked with attitude. Period. So that cements my opinion, because attitude eez waaat zaaat makezzz a person waaat heee izzzzz.

Butterfly Effect !!!

Heard about Butterfly effect? That hypothesis which roughly says that the flutter of the wings of a butterfly may cause a hurricane in the other side of the world. Its a funny but very interesting theory, interesting atleast for me. So you might have just missed that lorry while coming in the bike just because you decided to wear the blue underwear today. Or maybe it was because you wore the blue one that that near miss happened, if you were wearing that black one, maybe the lorry even might not be there.

I always used to wonder the extent with which one can change one's and also other's fate. There used to be a small part of my life where I even used to believe in destiny. But then if the destiny is already written, then what the fuck are we as people who can supposedly think and decide doing here? If what we  are going to do is already decided its easy to flow and drift and go where life takes us right? It is a stupid theory.

PS: At times I blog just because I have no one to talk to. :) So please bear with me.

I have read this somewhere, that you should never hate anything about yourself. If you do, then either change that particular thing in yourself that you hate or change your attitude such that you start loving that particular thing. Thats one reason why people think I am the biggest snob they ever find. But I'm loving it. Hmmm I am already learning the game. :)

Act !!!

Are you the kind off person who gives money to people who beg on the streets? I never used to since every where the money we give goes to some big mafia coccus group. What me and my cousin used to do sometime is to buy them food, especially if they are kids. 

There is this guy who used to sit to the sidewalk next to my office. He used to sit in the way between the office gate and the tea shop. So once in a while I used to give him a coin. The guy has some kind of ailment like elephantiasis on his leg. Once while giving him the coin I touched his hand. His eyes did flicker with some surprise, which he suddenly tried to hide. 

I was thinking about him, this is not a disease which cant be cured. Maybe I can get my company Corporate Responsibilty people to do something for him. Also there is this guy from my old company  who heads the Charity Trust there whom I could phone. Maybe even I can ask him what kind of help I can do for him.

Well I did think a lot, but the next day when I was walking down the street, he was gone. I did think like maybe many others. But I was not of any help to him right. Makes me feel bad,  though. And thats also not gonna help him either.

Neruda.

I'm Explaining a Few Things

You are going to ask: and where are the lilacs? and the poppy-petalled metaphysics? and the rain repeatedly spattering its words and drilling them full of apertures and birds? I'll tell you all the news. I lived in a suburb, a suburb of Madrid, with bells, and clocks, and trees. From there you could look out over Castille's dry face: a leather ocean. My house was called the house of flowers, because in every cranny geraniums burst: it was a good-looking house with its dogs and children. Remember, Raul? Eh, Rafel? Federico, do you remember from under the ground my balconies on which the light of June drowned flowers in your mouth? Brother, my brother! Everything loud with big voices, the salt of merchandises, pile-ups of palpitating bread, the stalls of my suburb of Arguelles with its statue like a drained inkwell in a swirl of hake: oil flowed into spoons, a deep baying of feet and hands swelled in the streets, metres, litres, the sharp measure of life, stacked-up fish, the texture of roofs with a cold sun in which the weather vane falters, the fine, frenzied ivory of potatoes, wave on wave of tomatoes rolling down the sea. And one morning all that was burning, one morning the bonfires leapt out of the earth devouring human beings -- and from then on fire, gunpowder from then on, and from then on blood. Bandits with planes and Moors, bandits with finger-rings and duchesses, bandits with black friars spattering blessings came through the sky to kill children and the blood of children ran through the streets without fuss, like children's blood. Jackals that the jackals would despise, stones that the dry thistle would bite on and spit out, vipers that the vipers would abominate! Face to face with you I have seen the blood of Spain tower like a tide to drown you in one wave of pride and knives! Treacherous generals: see my dead house, look at broken Spain : from every house burning metal flows instead of flowers, from every socket of Spain Spain emerges and from every dead child a rifle with eyes, and from every crime bullets are born which will one day find the bull's eye of your hearts. And you'll ask: why doesn't his poetry speak of dreams and leaves and the great volcanoes of his native land? Come and see the blood in the streets. Come and see The blood in the streets. Come and see the blood In the streets!  Pablo Neruda

To Serve and To Protect

The Karnataka Police have never failed to amaze and to a certain extent amuse me. From taking 10 Rupees to even a Pepsi bottle for a bribe, to threatening to throw a large stone at me for jumping a signal - they are too innovative and advanced for me.

This last day I found the great police force extorting vegetables and coriander leaves from a roadside vendor. They were throwing the stuff from a vendor ladies push-cart to the tow away van. And yes all they all had that noble air and attitude written all over them.

"Bastards"; that's the first word that came to my mind and that's the feeling and after taste that still lingers in my mind. Add to that the feeling of sheer helplessness. I have seen Mercs and Bimmers parked in the wrong places. I have seen them coming full throttle in the wrong side of the road. I have seen those sons of bitches who call themselves 'Jansevaks'  jumping signals with heavy traffic. And I have seen Police there too, but not even once doing their job. These cars don't carry vegetables in them right? Or having double standards is the basic bare necessity of being part of the police force I reckon.

Jai Hind !!!

Bollocks !!!

Ever felt lost and unusual about a feeling and then suddenly realise that you are getting nostalgic, and that too after a very long time? It feels good and makes you realise that more you loose things the chances of finding more is there. I am not a positive person neither am I negative about anything. I take it all as they come, good or bad. And for someone who believes that any experience is a good one once you are through it, I am very sceptic. I don't express myself clearly to people, unless I believe it is very much necessary. Maybe that's why I blog bollocks like this. (Well that's what my friend said. She said people blog because they don't have the balls to express it openly. Well I could say I blog because I am sure only people who are interested in knowing my thoughts will be reading it.) And yes I don't say much about myself to everyone, I keep most of my things secret. I can blame that to me being an Aquarian, though I don't believe in that shit too. Maybe that's why lots of people find me a good secret keeper, and I really believe its not because they have found me trustworthy but maybe they have found me as this well where they can shout their crap and rest assured that I won't blabber.

I am not a believer, my mind is too conceited to believe in something as pure as the God. And I try to keep this to myself most of the cases.

Revolutionary in the making.

We have the Sree Ram Sena founder Prakash Muthalik blessing us with more general knowledge, profound thinking and lots of noble ideas again. He says that the "Sadhvi" Pragya is not a terrorist, but a revolutionary like our very own Bhagat Singh, Jhansi Rani and the likes. Hmmm, I say we should do exactly the same what the then establishment did to them. Let the future generation and their history books decide more on their stature. Isn't that being fair enough to the "Sadhvi"? Makes me feel how lucky we are that we have such a noble person as the self declared custodian of our culture.

As Good As It Gets.

This is a good movie, but can't say its worth watching again and again as the other two I had mentioned earlier. Jack Nicholson as always has done an excellent job here. This guy is some one who will be excellent wven if the movie is crap. Sort of like the chicken piece in the hostel mess biriyani, the only good thing in the plate, and you end up enjoying only that piece.

But this movie is another thing, perfectly enjoyable, feel good kind of.

MELVIN (to Carol)
Okay, I got a real great compliment for you and it's true.

CAROL
I am so afraid you're about to say something awful...

MELVIN
Don't be pessimistic. It's not your style. Okay... Here I goes... Clearly a mistake.

(this is hell for him)

I have this -- what? Ailment... And my doctor -- a shrink... who I used to see all the time... he says 50 or 60 percent of the time a pill can really help.I hate pills. Very dangerous things,pills."Hate," I am using the word "hate" about pills. My compliment is that when you came to my house that time and told me how you'd never -- well, you were there, you know... The next morning I started taking these pills.

CAROL (a little confused)
I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.

Amazing that something in Melvin rises to the occasion -- so that he uncharacteristically looks at her directly -- then:

MELVIN
You make me want to be a better man.

Snatch.

Snatch, is another movie, which I can watch again and again. The film has lots of punch lines and funny dialogues.

   If that's not worth a bet, I don't know what is.

        - He doesn't look bad, does he? - No, he looks great.

        He'll do you proud.

        You reckon that's what people should do for me, Gary? Do me proud?

        It's what you deserve.

        Pull your tongue out of my arsehole.

        Dogs do that.

        You're not a dog, are you?

        No. No, I'm not.

        However...

        ...you do have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary.

        All except loyalty.

The Departed.

I just love this movie, 'The Departed'. Has watched quite a lot of times, don't remember how many.Still, I can watch it again and not get bored. Me and my bro watched the movie in the theatre on Day 1 and Day 2. How 'bout that? :) Here is a dialogue snippet from the script:

UNCLE

You always question everything,don't you?

BILLY

Yeah, well, maybe it would have done you some good to have a

question from time to time. "Am I an asshole?" "Are my kids a mess?"

"Is my wife a money-grubbing whore?" Those are questions.

(the UNCLE starts to leave)

"Have I been good to my dying sister or am I just pretending to be?"

(he's stung THE UNCLE)

Too late now, right?

Expiry Date.

I was wondering if relationships too came with an Expiry Date. If the answer is 'No', well, then that's the end of discussion. But if the answer is 'Yes', then we do have these two possibilities here :

1. Are they like the Expiry Dates on those medicine bottles, where even if its past the date you can still use the medicine, but the result might not be really soothing.
2. Or are they like those softwares which you can download from the net for free, those '30-day free trials'. Once the 30 day period is over, you will not be able to use the stuff.

I am not really of any help here for anyone, isn't it?

Isn't it amazing?

58th Republic Day isn't it? And what do we have here? Well let me see, O yeah, we successfully attacked some ladies in a pub and showed the world how noble and great we are. Should really be proud of the fact isn't it? And now there exists only one problem, we have two organisations vying for the credit. Well this requires serious investigation, 'coz we don't want the wrong people taking the credit for this, do we?

Shall I toss it now?

An unbiased coin is one which, if tossed, the chances of a head coming up is same as that of the tails coming up. Or in other words the probability of getting a head or a tail is equal to half. So should I toss a coin and decide now? But then how will I know if it is an unbiased coin or not. Theory says if we toss an unbiased coin a very large number of times, the number of heads should become equal to the number of tails. Well let me find an unbiased coin first, then I will toss it. Fair enough. And then all the decisions in my life will be so damn easy.

Priority?

I always used to believe, and advise those who are stupid enough to take my advice to prioritise everything first and then act upon them. But now I need to do a reality check for myself I believe. I need to rearrange my priority list and add one more line to it: Me.

P.S.: I got the idea from Vijay's blog.:)

Tagore - Mind Without Fear.

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high; 

Where knowledge is free; 

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls; 

Where words come out from the depth of truth; 

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection; 

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit; 

Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake. 

Where am I?

I think we all have come to this place at some point of time. Or mebbe its just the snobby me thinking the way I am is the way it is. All will be following it, if not they are in the wrong course. Whatever, I am wondering where am I? Heard this U2 song, The City of Blinding Lights? There is a line which goes like this: "What happened to the beauty I had, inside of me?" Fuck all isn't it? At some point of time you retrospect and try to backtrack and many a times you have turned many corners. Now its like going through a one way street in an unknown city and you have traversed from Point A to Point B and now you want to go back to Point A and you can't go back the way you came. You need turn round and round and round.

P.S.: Maybe I should create a tag called B.S.; 'cause thats where most of my recent blogs should be put. 

Life is a bitch:)

Heard that somewhere but tell you what, I don't think it is necessarily so. I am not being an optimist for a change here. Here, this is what I think, its when you are really feeling stupid or been ran over, that you generally tend to think so. And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, like a logically illogical logic. Kind of absurd, kind of stupid but again terribly non-sense and useless, exactly like this blog of mine. :)

Am I jinxed?

I think I am jinxed. I used to have this superstition that if I really wanted something, something will happen and it might not happen. When I fall down and hurt my knee or sprain my angle, instead of thinking its fine its nothing, I used to think, O its a ligament tear or the bone is broken, fearing that if I am optimistic, I ll end up being screwed. :) But that was in the school as a kid. And I had long lost those feelings along with my innocence. But now I think I am on my way bak to being paranoid. Anybody there?

Biting point.

Biting point is that point where the engine actually starts moving the vehicle, ya kno thro the clutch transmission and all. Figuratively speakin its the point where things start moving. I was wondering today wat wud be the opposite of the same. My bike mechanic once told me that the Bullet is like old Ashok Leyland trucks : It will move and run, tho it mite complain thro jerks and funny sounds. Bt it will keep on running until all is gone. Its like it will stop on ya only wen it is dead. Then ya ll hav to drag it and breath life into it again. Funny isn't it?

Childhood Longings.

Was reading this book called The Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. Somewhere the protagonist speaks about childhood longings. It says bt those longings for things tat ya wanted as a child and was unable to get. The way they haunt you all your life and moulds your perspective. Funny when I thought bt it, coz I dont remember having any of those. Its nt because I got everything I wanted, now that wud definitely be untrue. Thankfully my parents were very sensible enough that wen they dont get me something, they would tell me why I dint get them and why shud it be so.

I don't really yearn for things, even if I do, I loose interest too fast. I am talkin abt materials, things here. Hmm, the last time I wanted something very badly was my camera. I saved some cash for that and bought it. I was very excited abt the same bt then once the initial excitement got over, it was all gone. :( So much for being materialistic rite? Mebbe I am too materialistic that once I get one thing, I immediately start yearning for the next. Mebbe I do have these yearnings bt since I am yearning for it all the time I am nt able to understand that. Mebbe I shud go to Himalayas and then stay there for sometime and then decide.  

P.S. :- The excitement about the camera came back to me pretty soon. :) I love photography, I own a pretty good camera. But that doesn't mean I am a good photographer or that I take good pictures. :)

Wow !!! Thats quite longer than I thot. :)

The HR needed a list of ma competencies, ya kno the conventional one. I thot why nt I make a more unconventional one based on the feedback I got from ma friends, from time to time. So here it goes :

1.  I can lie on your face, without flinching, without even a blink of my eye.
   Experience : Since time immemorial. Tho the last time I used this skill was quite a long time ago, I must say. And it gave very positive results, atleast from my perspective. Tho I haven't used it, I think I am not rusty yet.
   
   
2.  This shud be in direct speech - "When you are at your sarcastic best you can peel people." Came from a girl in the college, and not as a compliment tho. Mebbe becoz she was at the receiving end that time.
   
   
3.  I am very sly and I lack conscience. Now this was lil recent, maybe under an year. I kno that I am sly. Bt I always thot I had a bit of a conscience. Bt then your friends know ya better rite? As bt the sly part, if somebody found you sly, then they shud be more sly than you to kno that rite. :) Needn't be, now I know.
   
   
4.  I can vanish and cease to exist with nt even me knowin bt the same. This I had tried a long long back and it was shockin to me wen I found that I had disappeared. And, then, it was tough for me. So this is somethin I would not wanna do again.
   
   
5.  I can remember every single thing tat has happened and then look back and join the dots. I am good at this, and I am nt boasting. And to add to that, I pretty much instinctive and I trust them more than anything.
   
   
6.  I can see people. :) No, nt the dead ones. The real alive ones. I do see them, tho I tend to ignore them.
   
   
7.  If you think you have seen a guy with the biggest ego and attitude problems, send him to me. I have better and bigger ones.
   
   
8.  I am generally positive, bt I can generate lotsa negative energy about me and drive ppl away like one crazy extremely pungent fart.
   
   
9.  I can make ppl hate me. Pretty common skill these days, bt I thot I might mention it too.
   
   
10.  I think the word hypocrite was made with me in mind.
    
    
11.  I can be nice at times, bt don worry bt tat, I am nt usually. 
    

"Lorca eh? No. Neruda. No. Who? I dont remember."

"I used to listen the bare feet splashing in the ship

And had a feeling of the faces darkened by hunger
My heart was a pendulum between her and the street
I don't know with what strength I freed myself from her eyes,

I broke away from her arms
She was left clouding with tears her anguish

Behind the rain and the glass"

This piece of verse comes in the movie "The Motorcycle Diaries" after the scene where young Ernesto leaves his lover and moves to embark in his journey. Dunno where is it sourced from, bt it struck some chords.

How far ? How deep?

How far is far? How deep is deep?

Hmmm nice questions rite? Well lemme reframe them:

How far would you go? How deep would you dive?

Nicer, yet incomplete. Lets add more:

How far would you go for some one? How deep would you dive to find some thing?

Blah blah BS. Not yet, not yet.

How far would you go for some one you love? How deep would you dive to find that some thing which you cant leave behind?

NOW it is BS. :)