I want to be a fly on the wall

 I want to be a fly on the wall.

No, it's not what you think. It's not something devious. 

(Even if it were, what can a fly do to change the matters of humans.)

I want to listen when you say things to yourself.

I want to hear you contradict what you just said to someone else.

I want to watch you cry. Not that I am a sadist, but I think people never really cry unless they are alone.

I want to watch you conspiring with your friends to bring down the government, bring down your boss, bring down the shop whose owner is not your type.

I want to watch you confess the worst things to the worst kind of people.

I want to watch people, when they are real and I want to be able to do nothing about that knowledge.

I want to be a fly on the wall.

Title: Placeholder for a word I don't know yet.

Can the present invoke nostalgia?

Things as they unfold, can they invoke that bitter shitty sweet feeling

No not for something it reminds you of; now that would be normal

This is, different, it creates a nostalgia for itself as it unfolds

Like the pretty words that mean nothing much together - perhaps, petrichor, mouse, frangipani; and mean

Even lesser when by themselves

In the fleeting nostalgia of the slowly unfolding  (and strangely still in the present) moments, my distressed Malayalam comes out

മഴ, മുളക്, മാങ്ങാത്തൊലി.

തേങ്ങാക്കൊല എന്നു പറയുന്ന പോലെയുള്ള മാങ്ങാത്തൊലി അല്ല - ശരിക്കും മാങ്ങാത്തൊലി.

മാങ്ങയുടെ (മാമ്പഴത്തിന്റെ) തൊലി കളയുമ്പോൾ ചെത്തികളഞ്ഞ തൊലി എടുത്ത്  കാരി തിന്നുന്ന പോലെ.

The nostalgia of the present is neither here nor there;

Nor in this moment nor in the next.

And the explanation is fleeting - 

In one language or the other.